One-Month since Seth

Yesterday was the one-month mark from when Seth came into the world as a stillborn.  He came into the world on February 1, 2011 at 3:01 pm.  It feels like it's been so much longer than a month since everything happened, but at the same time it feels like it happened just yesterday.  Yesterday, I finally sent thank-you cards for Seth's memorial service, which was on Feb. 5th.  I probably should have sent them a couple of weeks ago, but it was hard to make myself do things for a couple of weeks and I had kept on forgetting.  We received quite a few plants, flower arrangements and cards from family and friends.  One of the plants we received was a Lilies of the Valley garden.  When we first got it in the mail, I was worried that I would end up killing them, which would just remind even more that Seth was gone, but so far the buds have grown really quickly and easily.  I don't think it will be too long before the flowers sprout.  I'm probably going to buy a bigger pot soon to make sure there's enough room for the roots.  Maybe by the time Easter comes, the lilies will be in full bloom!

It has been getting easier and easier to get through each day.  I was depressed basically 24-7 during those first couple of weeks after everything happened with Seth.  It was so hard to laugh or smile or be happy at all.  Plus I was still in some physical pain from labor and delivery.  Over the past couple of weeks, I have been feeling much better physically except for occasional back pain, so I have started to do things, like cooking dinner and cleaning, around the apartment.  I still cry sometimes, but it's not a daily thing anymore.  I've actually been singing in the shower again, and I can laugh without having to force myself most of the time.  I know that I am still somewhat depressed, but it's slowly getting easier to be happy.  I still think of Seth every day, some days more than others.  Sometimes I think about how far along I would be if I were still pregnant.  Right now I would be starting the third trimester, with just a few more weeks to go until my baby would be born.

One of the reasons I have been feeling better is Acer.  He's a six-month-old, black-and-tan Dachshund that Brandon and I adopted on Saturday.  I instantly fell in love with him when I first met him and started petting him.  We brought him home on Monday afternoon.  I was so nervous and excited all day Monday.  It felt like 4:00 would never come around.  He seems like a really happy puppy.  He isn't housetrained yet, but he's only had three or four accidents so far.  I'm home all day since I don't have a job right now, so I can take him outside every few hours.  I'm planning to get a job sometime soon, though.  Brandon and I have been doing okay with just his income, but it would help if I were to get a job, even a part-time one.  I might try to work at a daycare or something.  I'm licensed to teach PreK-4th grade, but I didn't get hired for this school year.  I'm praying that I will get hired for this coming school year.  I need to start filling out applications and practicing for interviews.  If and when I do get hired, I wouldn't actually start getting paid until August, so I'm going to get a job so that I can earn some money until August comes around.  And if I don't get hired as a teacher, at least I would still have whatever job I am going to get soon.  I'm hoping to get Acer housetrained soon because I don't want to leave him locked up in his crate all day while Brandon and I are working.  I would feel better about leaving him alone if he were able to stay in the living room/kitchen and move around.  I don't think it will take too much longer until he's housetrained.  He seems like a fast learner.

Well, I guess that's it for my post!  Thanks for reading and God bless!  Here's a picture of Acer: